Monkey See, Monkey Do

Lately Evelyn is my shadow. She watches me like a hawk then imitates my facial expressions, laughter, ridiculous sayings, saunters in my high heels, on and on. I realize how funny I sound only when she daily holds her fake conversations on her fake cell phone. She throws her head back in over the top laughter, slaps her knee and says; "Right, right, ohhhh no, no, no, no, no, you didn't?!!! Ohhhhhhh my gosh, that's crazy! Ohhhh dammit I forgot the mail!" She entertains us all with her drawn out, all too familiar chats with her make-believe friends, Livia and Soldier!

The saddest thing that has been impressed upon me lately is that she is going to get much of how she feels about herself as a girl & eventually as a woman from me. The positives and negatives. How can I possibly tell her that she is beautiful just the way she is - the way God made her... when she watches me slather make-up on my face to look prettier? It is my actions that she hears over my words. Therefore I can't really say, "Do as I say, not as I do." because we all know that never worked with us growing up.

I never feel fully fresh and 'pretty' unless I have my make-up on, hair combed (somewhat) and all the other mundane things we women have to do to stay maintained; shaved legs/pits, plucked eyebrows (and don't forget that chin hair), moisturized body & face, freshly painted toes/nails, fresh breath, flossed white teeth, clean ears, bouncy/curly/shiny hair, and just that right splash of girly perfume that fools everyone into believing we spell that springy all the time.

When I do have the time to try to do all the above (even if it takes a good week to complete) there are two tiny, blue, pure, wide impressionable eyes soaking in every move I make. Bobby tells me he likes me best when I am naked...just kidding - actually he said without makeup. Do I believe him? No. So how is Evelyn ever supposed to believe me that she doesn't have to add one thing to herself (except let me comb her out of control tangly hair)? She won't.

Just like me, she is going to have to fight against the insecurities of comparing herself to airbrushed supermodels staring us hauntingly down on tv, magazines, etc., I guess we could always move to an Amish farm to protect her from all the insanities of this culture.

And although I feel a lot more beautiful and more comfortable in my own skin than I did growing up in those forgettable teen/and 20's years - I still have another battle to face. Wrinkles and gravity. I try to embrace all those fine character lines and beautiful curvaceous bumps. But when people your age and much older keep looking younger and younger by the day - (not by Mother Nature's doing, but by Father Botox's doing) - how do you stay secure and gracefully love your aging skin in comparison to all the false perfection that seems to hover over like an eerie storm cloud?

I guess that is when my dad's saying as I grew up comes in handy, "Pretty Is as Pretty Does." Mother Teresa and all the other women who lived their lives from the inside out are the ones who have my vote to peer upon as a role model of whom I want to be and whom I want my daughter to look up to me as.

Evelyn, you are beautiful as is.

p.s. Notice the picture of Evelyn attempting to put on mascara when I was in the other room. I think she'll have to stick to not wearing makeup because of pure safety reasons! I can see the headlines now, "Gone blind from an attempt to be gorgeous!"