"Eye" See You

It is usually a hard balance to spend undevoted attention on Caellum since I am also juggling Evelyn's physical and emotional needs. Yet the other day we managed to steal a couple hours with one another.

His nap was cut short so I went in to get him. Usually he squirms and wiggles out of my arms to dive bomb at whatever he can get his sticky finger McGoo fingers on. This time he just lay limp in my arms and stared at me. Okay, I thought, I can stare too. This turned into a 25 minute staring contest. Our eyes were locked on one another.

Have you ever looked into somebody's eyes and not said a word? It is VERY hard to do because of the extreme intimacy of it all! When somebody is lying, happy, sad, in love, confused, whatever the emotion is...it is felt through the eyes first before any words are ever spoken.

By the time our words come out of our mouths they are but a fraction of what we are feeling. On the way out of the windpipe they are dilluted and polluted with all sorts of intellectualizing that cloud the true, raw emotion that was originally felt.

Being able to look deeply into Caellum's eyes for that long, without saying a word and without turning away from his gaze was truly one of the most intense and memorable moments I will ever have with him. After a bit tears streamed down my face because without a doubt I felt deep within me that he KNEW me, knew my heart, knew that I was his mom, knew how much I love him and knew he has complete and abandoned trust in me. Through his eyes I sensed an old soul. A mature, strong yet silent child that is going to accomplish great things in this world all through this deep and peaceful love within him. Sounds as if I've been smoking dope huh?

I had a moment of clarity that I have no control over his destiny but I can pray with all my heart for him, for his protection, for his future spouse, etc., So I did and then I did the same for Evelyn. Then I realized that THIS is my greatest and most important 'duty' as a mother. A simple thing to forget, yet an eternally impactful thing to daily do.

After our stare down Caellum simply closed his eyes. His head was cuddled into the nook of my neck. And we slept side by side. Our breath in rhythm as it was in the womb. It was holy and it will be a time that I will remind of him probably on his wedding day when he's ready to leave me for another woman....I'll lay on the guilt so he will never want to leave his mama! ;-)

And so we slept for an hour or so until I was awakened from "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM I'm Up!!!! Mooooooooommmmmmmm come hold me. Mom cuddle me. Mom I want you. MOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmm where you go? Mommmmmmmmmmmmmm why you not cuddling me??????????? MOoooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm mom? mom? mom? mom? mom? Mom, I'm awake! Mom, scratch my back! Mom, why you not scratchin' my baaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccckkkkkkk??????????? Mooooooooooommmmmmmm?????!!! Obviously Evelyn was up. And we went on with our day like we abnormally do. Singing, dancing, making dinner, being goofballs. Caellum cracking up at his crazy mom and silly sister.