"Eye" See You

It is usually a hard balance to spend undevoted attention on Caellum since I am also juggling Evelyn's physical and emotional needs. Yet the other day we managed to steal a couple hours with one another.

His nap was cut short so I went in to get him. Usually he squirms and wiggles out of my arms to dive bomb at whatever he can get his sticky finger McGoo fingers on. This time he just lay limp in my arms and stared at me. Okay, I thought, I can stare too. This turned into a 25 minute staring contest. Our eyes were locked on one another.

Have you ever looked into somebody's eyes and not said a word? It is VERY hard to do because of the extreme intimacy of it all! When somebody is lying, happy, sad, in love, confused, whatever the emotion is...it is felt through the eyes first before any words are ever spoken.

By the time our words come out of our mouths they are but a fraction of what we are feeling. On the way out of the windpipe they are dilluted and polluted with all sorts of intellectualizing that cloud the true, raw emotion that was originally felt.

Being able to look deeply into Caellum's eyes for that long, without saying a word and without turning away from his gaze was truly one of the most intense and memorable moments I will ever have with him. After a bit tears streamed down my face because without a doubt I felt deep within me that he KNEW me, knew my heart, knew that I was his mom, knew how much I love him and knew he has complete and abandoned trust in me. Through his eyes I sensed an old soul. A mature, strong yet silent child that is going to accomplish great things in this world all through this deep and peaceful love within him. Sounds as if I've been smoking dope huh?

I had a moment of clarity that I have no control over his destiny but I can pray with all my heart for him, for his protection, for his future spouse, etc., So I did and then I did the same for Evelyn. Then I realized that THIS is my greatest and most important 'duty' as a mother. A simple thing to forget, yet an eternally impactful thing to daily do.

After our stare down Caellum simply closed his eyes. His head was cuddled into the nook of my neck. And we slept side by side. Our breath in rhythm as it was in the womb. It was holy and it will be a time that I will remind of him probably on his wedding day when he's ready to leave me for another woman....I'll lay on the guilt so he will never want to leave his mama! ;-)

And so we slept for an hour or so until I was awakened from "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM I'm Up!!!! Mooooooooommmmmmmm come hold me. Mom cuddle me. Mom I want you. MOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmm where you go? Mommmmmmmmmmmmmm why you not cuddling me??????????? MOoooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmm mom? mom? mom? mom? mom? Mom, I'm awake! Mom, scratch my back! Mom, why you not scratchin' my baaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccckkkkkkk??????????? Mooooooooooommmmmmmm?????!!! Obviously Evelyn was up. And we went on with our day like we abnormally do. Singing, dancing, making dinner, being goofballs. Caellum cracking up at his crazy mom and silly sister.

What Recession???

I am so in love. A love beyond what I even knew I was capable of. I do flipflops everyday in order to get Caellum to focus on me...but ohhhhh no! It's ALL about his sister. I must say she IS a lot more entertaining than either Bobby nor I. His eyes are glued to her, his smile could not be wider, his chuckle couldn't be more genuine than when he is soaking up every moment of his older sis'.

Evelyn is an authority on just about everything. She's passionate about wanting to teach us. We act dumb most of the day to fulfill her insatiable urge to educate us as to the wonderful ways of the world. She has become quite interested in God as well. On our walk to bible study the other day I pushed her in the stroller while she thanked God the whole way for all that she observed - the sidewalk, the trees, the sky, the joggers. It was a beautiful reminder of how God actually would love us to pray - from the mouths of babes. The other night she even reminded me to thank God for Linda and Pierre - which are our neighbors downstairs who probably have voodoo dolls of us in their home. All day long they hear the heavy footed pitter patter of Evelyn's busy dancing, running, pounding, jumping feet.

Caellum - there are no words that can convey the fullness my heart feels to have him added to our lives. He is a SWEET, OLD soul. There truly doesn't seem to be a mean bone in this boy's body. A smile for everyone. A look in his eyes that is so honest and pure that it brings me to tears often. And enough rolls and chunks all over him for us to tickle and bury our faces in while teasing him.

We are full up. In this time of recession, and many gloomy things happening in our world - I choose to look inward to the family God has blessed us with and bask in the new joys that we all discover together everyday.