 |
 |
| Click to play Make your own Smilebox |
My sweetest Evelyn -
Your first birthday has arrived! I cannot believe it. Words definitely escape the amount of joy you have brought to our lives. I can remember 13 months ago having daily anxiety attacks about the unknown of having a baby. What if I'm not good at being a mom? What if we don't like eachother? What if I don't catch on to how to change diapers? What are we possibly going to do with one another all day long?!...
The minute you were born every fear vanished. I still don't know what I am doing most of the time, but you are so incredibly patient with me as I wing it - and when I'm at a loss for the right solutions...what do we do? We dance!... like we did this morning, like we do every morning to start the day off right. In my mind and heart I frame the moments I am swinging you around the room to some groove and you put your head in the nook of my shoulder, hold on tight and give me your infamous gut giggle.
Your father cannot stop telling you how beautiful you are every day. Some days I worry he is going to explode from emotion overload when he looks at you. Which is not a mess I am prepared to clean up!
I am convinced that you have special powers to melt the most hardened of criminals. We could be passing a Hell's Angel, you would lock eyes, as you do, and give your sweetest -to die for- smirk, then your eyes open wide as if you are seeing in them the most amazing thing in the world, your mouth drops open, and before you know it this Hell's Angel is laughing and giggling and goo gooing all over you..... - this scene happens daily. I catch people all around softening and smiling, not fully knowing why until I see that it is becuase of you engaging them in some special way.
You are a ray of sunshine that passes by gently and makes others sigh, relax, slow down and smile at the treasures of innocence, babyhood and life in general. For a brief moment your smile makes everyone's daily stressors disappear.
One day after your birthday we are dedicating you (baptizing) which I find so appropriate after reflecting on your past year of life. I truly feel helpless in wanting to protect you from everything in this world. I want to wrap you up in a bubble and have you continue being unphased by our world's tragedies - merely living for the moment with lightheartedness and laughter. Since that is not reality - the best thing I can do is give you back to the one who created you - God. I cannot fathom it, but he knows you deeper and loves you even more then I or your daddy are able to. He is the one who shows me how you need to be loved daily and He is the one that I hope you pour your dependance on from a young age.
Like I said, I don't have the answers but I do promise to raise you with a trust in God/Jesus so that you can have confidence in who He created you to be and so you can thrive in all that He created you to be. Which right now seems like a dancer or a veterinarian, but we'll see how that changes ;-)
I gave your daddy a card that said "If I know what love is it is because of you." And I say that wholeheartedly to you as well. You have shown us both a deeper, more selfless, abandoning way to love and we thank you for all that you are and all that you are becoming!
We love you Sweet Girl! Happy Birthday!!!
Love, Mommy & Daddy
